


Drown out the Sound

by asiriusfan



Series: The Wild Youth [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Angst and Feels, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, First War with Voldemort, Friendship, Gen, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 12:23:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4479113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asiriusfan/pseuds/asiriusfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Lily and Remus were there for each other, and one time they weren't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drown out the Sound

“I’m a what?” Lily asked, but the girls in question were already on their way to the other side of the classroom, joining the rest of their house.   She hadn’t understood what they’d called her, but she could tell from their snickers and contemptuous glances that it clearly wasn’t good.  Not for the first time, Lily wondered if she really belonged here.

 “Don’t listen to them.”

 Lily turned toward the voice; it came from a boy in her house who she hadn’t met yet.  She remembered watching him get sorted, but couldn’t hear his name over the chatter from the rest of the Gryffindors seated around her. Now up close, the first thing she noticed about him was his kind smile – the second, his scars.

 “What?

 “Don’t listen to them,” he repeated. “They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

 “Neither do I,” she admitted.

 He considered her for a moment before he spoke next. “You’re muggleborn, yeah?” She nodded.  “Some people think having non-magical family makes you worth less. It’s not true, though.” Then, as an afterthought, as if reaching out to her, “My mom’s a muggle.”

 Lily nodded, confused.  “Oh.  I thought it didn’t make a difference.”

 When she didn’t elaborate, he went on. “You should probably sit down. It looks like we might start soon.”

 Lily nodded and looked around the room before deciding to sit down where she was.  She offered a hand to the boy.  “I’m Lily.”

 “Remus,” he said as they shook.

* * *

 

 “I knew you’d figure it out,” Remus said without meeting her eye.  He was picking at the quilt on his bed, while Lily was perched down by the foot. She didn’t think this was all that big of a deal, personally, but Remus clearly did so she tried her best to avoid accidental flippancy by keeping the mood somber.

 “You could have told me.  I know why you didn’t,” she went on before he could interrupt, “but I want you to know that you could have.  It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

 "You’re saying that in retrospect,” he countered, eyes still downcast – ashamed, Lily realized.  “You can’t be sure how you would have reacted if you didn’t have the time that you did.”

 “I can be sure that you’d still be my friend.”

 “Lily, you don’t understand-“

 “I do understand, Remus, I understand prejudice. I understand being a part of a society that doesn’t want you.”

 Remus sighed, but Lily could tell that he wanted to scoff instead.  She straightened, willing herself to just let him have this one, to swallow her irritation. “It’s not the same, Lily. Muggleborns still have a lot of support, I have nothing.”

 “You have us.”

 He chuckled dryly.  “Great.  I’m going to kill myself fighting for a world where a handful of people don’t want me dead.”

 She swatted at his shoulder.  “Don’t say that, you’re not going to die anytime soon.” Remus said nothing, but Lily pushed on, afraid that if a silence would settle now that they’d both be forced to realize the unfounded hopefulness of that statement.  “And you’re not just fighting for muggleborns. You’re fighting for precedent. Once we win this war, what’s next? Who’s the next group to stand up for what they believe in?  Who will they be fighting for?”

 Remus smiled, but Lily could tell it was just for her benefit.  “You don’t understand,” he repeated, “there’s a lot of people out there…they’d kill me if they could. They’re not afraid to let that be known.”

 “Well you know what you have to do, then.” Remus looked confused, and Lily grinned. “Don’t listen to them.”

* * *

 

 “Lily…hey!  Lily!”  Remus reached for her shoulder as she kicked a wastebin across the room. “Calm down.”

 “I don’t _want_ to calm down, Remus. Did you see the way they were treating me?”

 “They’re idiots, Lily.  They don’t-“

 “I know they’re idiots, Remus. I don’t _care_ that they’re idiots. They’re still the ones I’m working with, the ones who give me orders, the ones who don’t seem to think I’m good enough to be here.”

 “You are good enough, you’re more than good enough. You know that.”

 “I don’t want to have to remind myself every time they crack a joke.  I don’t want to deal with their looks and their snide remarks, I don’t want this ring,” she said, pulling the diamond off her left ring finger, “telling them that all I’m going to do is get married and leave the Order and have babies.”  She threw the ring across the room.  “I don’t want to feel like everything I do needs to prove something to them.  I just want to fight.”

 “So do that,” Remus replied calmly. “Fight and don’t listen to what anyone else says.”

 Lily sighed, already worn out. “They’re the ones fighting to liberate me, Remus, and they’re sticking me on desk duty because, and I quote, ‘wedding planning takes a lot out of a person’.”

 “Then don’t let them get away with it. Don’t smile and agree. Don’t let them think it’s okay. Fight them on it. Fight for precedent.”

 It took a second for Lily to break into a grin, but she did – as Remus knew she would.  “Those are some wise words, Moony.”

 He shrugged, grinning himself. “I learn from the best.”

* * *

 

 “I can’t believe there’s a spy,” Lily said quietly as she sipped on her coffee.  She used to hate the stuff, but she’d been drinking an awful lot of it lately. Secretly she thought that Remus had been conditioning her to like it when she wasn’t paying attention, but more likely it just grew on her.  “Who do you think it is?”  Remus shrugged, his attention on the mug in his hand; he’s been off ever since they left the headquarters. “I can’t imagine it’s anyone,” Lily went on.  “Everyone in that room…I’d trust them with my life.  And to think that one of them would just throw that away….”

 “You don’t think it’s me?” Remus asked – it was the most he’d said in an hour.

 “Of course not, why on Earth would I?”

 “They do.”  Lily didn’t have to ask what he meant.

 “You know you’re trusted, Remus.”

 “I was trusted when we were all on the same side. Now there’s a traitor and it’s only a matter of time before the fingers start pointing to me.”

 “You’re probably just overreacting.”

 “I know those looks, Lily.  The ones the give when they think I’m not looking. I’ve been getting them all my life.”

 “Then ignore them,” Lily said as she rose from the table.  “Want another cup?”

 “No thanks,” Remus said.  There was a pause before he spoke next.  “Is it really so hard to believe it could be me?”

 Lily walked back to her seat. “Yes, of course,” she responded, smiling over her mug.  Remus smiled back, and she knew it was genuine.

* * *

 

 It had been forty-five minutes since something was said.  Lily was sitting stock still, her hands wrapped around an untouched mug of coffee that’s long since gone cold – decaf, of course – and Remus was mirroring her, looking slightly less shocked and substantially more worried.  Finally, Remus broke the silence.

 “What are you thinking?”

 Lily was silent for a moment more, then spoke quietly, steadily.  “I’m thinking about how we’re going to get groceries.  If we can’t go out, how will we do that?”

 Though the words weren’t anything Remus was expecting, the underlying panic that seemed to be causing her to misdirect her concern was.  He was thinking of something comforting to say when she spoke next.

 “It doesn’t make sense.  This can’t be real.  The power…to defeat Voldemort.  You can’t…you can’t be _born_ with that.  This isn’t a fairy tale, it’s _war_.  And he’s not a part of it.”  Her voice cracked at the end, and she wrapped her arms around her protruding belly – whether to comfort the baby or herself, Remus wasn’t sure.

 “I wouldn’t put too much stock into this, Lils.”

 “It’s a prophecy, Remus.  It’s the future.  You’re telling me to…to just ignore it?

 “Lily, you took divination in third year, you know this stuff is just a bunch of educated guesses.”

 “This isn’t palm reading, Remus. The ministry handles these. They _mean_ something.”

 “They only mean something if you think they do.”

 “You really don’t believe in prophecies?”

 He did.  “No, I don’t.”

 Lily considered him for a moment, then smiled gratefully, if a bit strained.  “You’re right. We’ll be fine. This is just a precaution.”

 Remus smiled back, grabbing her hands from across the table and mimicking her earlier words, “Just ignore it.”

* * *

 

 Remus’ shoes bit into the frosted grass as he walked aimlessly, not quite sure where to go next.  The chill had found its way into his bones, despite the heavy wool coat he was wearing – or maybe the chill was just within him to begin with.

 He supposed the service was nice, all things considered, and certainly more populated than all the other burials they’ve had the past few years.  He didn’t even recognize half the people who showed up, and he wasn’t sure if James and Lily would either. He wished someone had done a better job at keeping out the gawkers, the ones only interested in the devastation once it made the front page.  He could imagine Lily standing beside him, shooting glares at the crowd while quietly ranting to him about the special kind of perversion it takes to crash a funeral.

 “The friend did it, did you hear? That Sirius Black.”

 “Well, that’s what you get for trusting a _Black_. Honestly.”

 He walked on, though the voices carried through the still air regardless.

 “He did the friend in, too.  Wasn’t even involved in the whole business, just had the poor luck to come across him.”

 Remus kept his head down and his breathing calm and _for Christ’s sake don’t they know they’re being rude?_

 “Yeah, that one there, the pale one. I remember him from Hogwarts. He ran around with the lot of them. Only one left now, I suppose.”

 Remus stopped and shut his eyes tight, only this time there was no one there to drown out the sound.


End file.
